Parenting has never been easy for me. Coming from a broken family doesn't help me any better.
It was a huge decision to have a baby because I was too afraid to embrace motherhood and also I was scared if I can't be the good mother. Foolish of me to think that way, huh? I am still in disbelieve that I am a mother now and thank God I am not a bad mother, at least.
A lot of times we see how our parents brought us up and from time to time, we tend to inherit certain parenting skills from what we saw throughout those years with them. Some are lucky enough to have loving parents who nurture their children with lots of love and not hatred. Some parents believe in some kind of military ways of bringing up the children and often act harsh to their little ones. Some are just unfortunate to have abusive parents. That is a BIG NO NO as a parent. That's just so WRONG!
In conclusion, what I'm trying to say is that parenting is not easy and it will never be easy. However, with the help of education, the Internet, books and friends and families, one can combine and gather good parenting skills to practise it to their children.
I have learned a lot about parenting skills. I am in no man's land when it comes to this subject but I love to know more and try to share and discuss with other parents regarding this matter. Parenting is not natural, although some people believe it is but I don't. So, together with this I've listed some things that I know as a parent and how to be a better one every day. You need not to agree or disagree with me, like you, I am still learning, EVERY DAY.
# My Mama talks really loud most of the time, and I of course don't like it in any way. She believes by shouting and yelling, the child will listen to her and be more well disciplined. Whereby, it didn't really work for me. I never like it whenever she shouts. It makes me feel scared of my own mother rather than to confide in her when I need to. As a result of her action, I was a bit rebellious (during my teen years) whenever she does that. Lesson learned is, try not to shout or yell or even nag on and on to your child. You may need to raise your voice when he or she does something unpleasant but don't do those three things. Make them understand why you didn't let them do certain things. Tell them what are the consequences are for their actions. You can start this as young as 9 months old, by this time some babies are already showing some tantrums. You can practise it and try to start to control your emotions. As time goes by, your child will get used to listen to your calm and soothing voice and will slowly learn to listen to your instructions.
# Parents who are too afraid to allow other children to play with theirs. Too concern about hygiene, kids getting into fights, and so on. As parents, we all are concern about oh so many things, this and that. At the end of the day, children will always be children. Let them enjoy, let them interact with other kids but still watch them closely, you wouldn't want them to be black and blue fighting over a toy, would you? Lesson learned is, letting your child play with other kids help them to build their self confidence and self esteem. With that exposure, they will learn what it is like to be with friends, sharing their toys together and interaction between another human being. If they pull or hit other kids, remember that they didn't do it in purpose. Pull them close to you and speak gently to them that it's wrong to do that. They just learned about themselves and what emotions are all about. Anger, happy, sad, sulky are the new self discoveries. Don't condemn them but guide them instead.
# PATIENCE IS VIRTUE. Why is it in capital letters? Because it takes a lot of patience being a parent! Believe it or not, I am still struggling to master it until today. Having an impatient mother makes me an impatient daughter but i refuse to be an impatient mother or wife. Am still learning, in fact I believe, all of us are still learning how to be patient. Lesson learned is, children are smart creatures. They look at us everyday, observing and evaluating our behaviour while growing up. It is essential as parents to set good examples to their children because they look up to you in so many ways. If we learn to be patient to our children, most likely our children will grow up becoming a calm, refined adults. They won't harbour anger easily, always in control no matter how difficult the situation is, always find solutions rather than blaming it and so many other respectful values. It is not easy I know but we'll try.
# I despise parents who love to compete with other parents. Comparing their children with other kids and try to compete who can do things the best, fastest etc. Never do that to your little ones. Every child is unique in their own ways. Some are fast, some are slow. Some are smart, some are not. Nevertheless, children need guidance from their parents regardless their abilities and capabilities. We are suppose to assist them in every way, not competing with other parents on whose kids can do better or best. I see a lot of parents being competitive among themselves especially in places like children development centres such as Gymboree. My Chempaka and I attend classes there and from my observation, a lot of parents are competitive. It's not a healthy thing to portray to your little ones. Lesson learned is, development or play centres are places where your child get to do things they aren't allowed to do at homes such as climbing and running freely as they wish. At these places, children are able to develop motor skills, as well as sharing and interacting with other kids. It's a place where they can enjoy themselves with some company and open themselves to other people. It's also a great place for parents exchanging ideas and opinions about parenting itself. Unfortunately, most of the parents weren't friendly because they were too busy competing among themselves. Need I say more?
# Don't force them do things they don't want to do. Babies or toddlers especially. They can't communicate our language and neither can we try to talk to them (unless you learn baby signs!). When they don't want to eat certain food or drink, cut it out. Stop forcing them. They are just like us, with emotions and feelings. It's just can't be expressed by words but by actions and tantrums. Understand them by putting ourselves in their shoes. Lesson learned is, give them some space and freedom. When they don't want to eat apple, try pear or orange. If they still refuse, try later not 5 minutes after you gave them the first choice. Like adults, children need some time too. Allow them to feel and express. If you keep on forcing, they might get annoyed easily and start throwing tantrums. That could result an aggressive young child. Regardless what it is, there are some things that you need to set like boundaries and be sure to enforce. No is no but you still can compromise certain things with them. They need to learn this to understand rules and regulations as they grow up. Instead of against it, they'll learn to accept the fact that there are consequences for all actions made. With this, they will learn about obedience and become a law abiding citizen rather than a rebellious one.
# Unconditional love from both Mom and Dad. This is SUPER IMPORTANT! No segregation among siblings. Treat them fair and be supportive all the time. If they are smart or not, love them for what they have achieved and always compliment them for every tiny things they do for themselves or for you. Lesson learned is, if a child feels appreciated by his or her parents, he or she will learn to be grateful and thankful for what ever it is. They will learn a lot of things in life are more than just excellent grades or high paid salary, instead it's a world full of diversity in so many walks of lives. They'll learn to be respectful, responsible and motivated individuals. They won't become haters. They'll find that they want to share their love with everyone and everything.
Those are just some parenting tips that I learned and got from observing other parents, reading from books and the Internet, watching my Mama bringing me up and so on. The list can go on and on and on but I just jot down some of it for my reading pleasure. I strive to be the best parent to my child/ren and I hope I can practise all that and more and more PATIENCE while I'm doing that.
HAPPY PARENTING TO ALL PARENTS OUT THERE! ENJOY IT!
P/S- Thank you for guiding me to be a good mother, my love. I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. We are going to be the best parent to our children. I love you so much, Shafiz Yusof and Chempaka Naura (for now). Hehehe!!!
