I rarely write on my blog nowadays due to hectic schedule, running errands and other things. When I've the time to write in which is usually in the middle of the night, I would probably too tired or uninspired. However, today I feel like writing this as a reminder to myself.
I lost my Mama is February 2012, just a day after I broke the news to her that I am pregnant with my second child. My Mama was already sick, going in and out of the hospital for a few years before that. I love my Mama dearly but a lot of times I just don't understand the love and relationship that I have with her. I have seen other mother and daughter relationship and sometimes envious of them because my Mama isn't like 'other mother'. I started feeling grumpy complained to myself why is my Mama 'like that'?
The one question that no one can answer me, not even God! My Mama is just like that! As simple as it sounds. My Mama provided shelter, food, education, love and everything she could in my life. We fought and argued almost all the time and sometimes for the pettiest issue but now it is all gone.
I felt bad for feeling envious of other people's mother when the fact that my Mama was just the perfect mother for me. She taught me how to be independent and trustworthy when she allowed me to help her run her small food business. She pushed me to be tough and strong when someone tried to disturb and bring me down. She drove me to believe that I could be great debater, poet and writer. Even though I felt annoyed by her possessiveness, but I still feel responsible to call her and let her know wherever I am. I still cooked and fed her during her stay in hospital even though she said she hated my cooking. I was so persistent to check on her well being despite her hurting me with her words that broke my heart and crushed my soul. How she hated all my previous boyfriends and made a drama out of it so that I would leave them. She mentioned before that I am too fussy, meticulous, bossy and stubborn and she herself was just the same.
Above all, she was just being her, a mother!
All those nagging, yelling, shouting, complaining, playing, educating, are actually to prove that she loves me. Those years of hardship at 'pasar malam', O & S coffee shop are well paid off after seeing me all grown up as a responsible, mature and independent young lady.
She was contented to see me married to a respectful and decent man and enjoyed the company of my Chempaka before she left us. I am certainly sure she is so happy to see me and my family now wherever she is now.
I don't wish my Mama was like any other mother because I accepted her just the way she is.
I know even better, I understand even more because I am now a mother to my 2 beautiful angels, Chempaka Naura and Melur Maira.
Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers. May we have the chance to share our happiness and sadness with our children and mend and strengthen our bonds together.
Love and peace to all.
I do miss you Mama. Al-Fatihah.
