A Curse or A Gift?

I am super annoyed easily by a lot of things. I can't stand my daughters whining and tantrums sometimes, I despise drivers who can't go by the rules, I don't like people skipping the queue at any place unless they give me a good valid reason to do so, I get frustrated if I can't carry a lot of things at one time so that I don't have to carry it double time, yada..yada..yada...

I cry easily when some things touched my sympathetic heart like a blind person who has to beg for money by selling tissues (damn I need those to wipe out my tears!), an old woman or man who has to go for doctor's appointment by themselves with their ill condition, advertisements about mothers, parents, animals and a lot more, some people who I thought would accept me the way I am suddenly mocking me for being a cry baby and telling me that crying is so childish (this one in particular, really hurts and eventually broke my heart badly). In fact, as I am writing this, tears are pouring heavily like a giant waterfall!

I was told that it is fine to be sensitive but not too sensitive. But how much is okay and how too much is not okay??? I truly believe that all of us human being are sensitive to certain things, feelings and actions. It is just so happened that I am a highly sensitive person. So, my question is, is it a curse or a gift to have this?

I can't recall the first time I realised that my heart feel things more strongly than other people. Perhaps, I got these from my late Mama, who's just as sensitive as I am. What ever it is, I am just being me and if I have to change this, I need a lot of time and space to do it.

Recently, something incredibly unexpected happened to me. I was called for an intervention and to my surprise mainly it was all about me being too sensitive. It was said that I need to be more mature and that I need to grow up. Reduce my crying and a lot of unimaginable things that I never thought I would hear about me. I accepted it but I was in disbelief when I heard all that!

Is it wrong for me to shed tears when I can't control it? Is it wrong that my heart get touched easily by the slightest words or actions? Is it wrong that I am different than others? Is it wrong when I don't care what other people think of me? Is it wrong if I'm being too sulky? Is it wrong that I am 'me'?

I have so many questions but I can never get the answers. Only He knows me better than myself!

I have some of the answers to the questions above. Everyone is different in so many ways. We are different because of so many reasons. Family and parents, cultures and traditions, countries and states, etc...

If only we try to adapt, tolerate and accept every person on this planet the way they are, it would be a much easier place to live in. I didn't use the word 'happier' because one can never be happy if one don't even try to make it easy first, then happy. If we can do that, then we can understand even better why are they that way? Why are we this way? Why they are 'like that'? What is really 'like that'? Have you ever asked yourself why you're 'like that'? Because you're just 'like that'! You are being you!

It is never an easy job to accept others easily. It is unimaginably difficult and require a massive amount of effort and understanding. But if we can take it easy and sit and think why, it would be just one step closer to accept others the way they are.

I discovered other feelings that I possess after the intervention. I have anxiety disorder, I have a strong empathy for so many things and that just make me, well, me!

I am still trying very hard (especially around those who did the intervention to me) to be better everyday. Maybe they just can't accept me the way I am but I can accept them the way they are because they are not me. They are just 'like that'!

I hope and pray every time I see them,
to accept and see me the way I accept and see them.
I wish God will open up their hearts and souls to accept others
the way they are, too.

Insya-Allah.

To conclude my post, I just don't care if any of my readers are unhappy to read this. Just deal with it!
I am just the way I am. I am going to have so much fun for being me and others who can accept me the way I am.

So, I guess the answer is... It is a gift!

Thank you Allah for allowing me to be me.
That is more important than what others want to change what I am!

Be yourself and remember you are you!